When I look back over my life with all of its twists and turns and look at where I am now, I remember back to when I first started work at the tender age of 15, just starting out in my apprenticeship as a carpenter, one of the men I was serving under told me that this would be my life now for the next 50 years.
On my way home that day I began to ponder what the world would look like in 50 years’ time, where I would be living, would I be married, what would my wife and children be like.
Well now I stand on the other side, the 50 years have passed, 40 of which I have shared with my wife.
The common theme that really stands out is that it is the people much more than our particular circumstances that really shape our lives, there is a sea of faces that span my life, some of which I long to see again and some I hope I never will.
It is in our very early years where the influence of others shapes our lives the most, like the digging out and laying the foundations for our future lives, designed by our parents to build us into the person they desire us to be, it is seldom designed for us to grow into our true authentic selves, we are taught what to think, how to behave, and how to feel. From the seemingly tender holding of a crying child telling them not to be sad to the shaking, crying child being screamed at by their parent, being ordered to stop crying or they would really give them something to cry about, the “stop it now” of childhood, where children learn to splinter off parts of themselves to win their parents approval, those parts of themselves seem buried forever and we learn to behave for approval rather than authenticity.
All emotions come from four basic feelings, just like colours and shades are derived from four base colours, Sad, Mad, Glad, Sacred. However, it would seem that some of us were taught that most of our core feelings are bad and we were made to feel guilty or inadequate for feeling that way, no wonder so many adults struggle with self-worth.
Now you may say that it’s far too late to be able to relearn how to feel, that those splintered off pieces are long lost, buried so deep that you wouldn’t know where to begin to find them, that you have been this way for far too long, after all, you can’t teach old dogs’ new tricks, or can you?
The truth is people learn when valuing themselves and feeling valued, it always starts with you, taking responsibility for who you have become and who you want to be, it’s always a journey into yourself, it’s becoming aware of yourself, knowing what you know and feeling what you feel, to become present within yourself.
When you feel bad about yourself or the way you are reacting to a given situation, when you are so overwhelmed by your feelings you can’t think, stop.. that’s right, just stop! Take several deep breaths and let you body calm, start to feel, feel the air coming in and out of your mouth, feel your heart beating, and think, feel, and question, why is it wrong to feel angry, anger is good, rage is bad, why is it so wrong to be upset, why does that make you feel a lesser person, why?
Our standards were set long ago, and we keep living within them, constantly pushing ourselves into the image of someone that is maybe not who you really are, how can you feel good about yourself when you have never been allowed to be the true you.
It’s time to take a long look in the mirror, and I don’t mean to check if your eyebrows need plucking and your lipstick touching up, or if you are a bloke whether you need to trim your nostril hairs and have a shave, no I mean a long reflection of who you are and who you want to be, remember taking responsibility is the first step to a transformed life.
This is the first blog in a series on discovering who you are. In the next part, I will discuss three steps to transformation, simple and practical keys to unlocking the true you, which can be one of the most exciting and rewarding adventures of your life, you are never too old to learn and change your life forever. You can find out more about Paul by visiting his website over at www.blueoceantherapies.com
At that time of overwhelm, the time you hit pause and breath, feeling the breath, why not support those emotions with essential oils. Essential oils can play a powerful in emotional healing, they can lead us by the hand to courageously face issues we have previously been unable to face. To find out more about ‘What is an essential oil/’ take a look at my previous blog https://www.lavendertreetherapies.com/2021/01/15/what-is-an-essential-oil/